The Midget and the Elf
Oh a fair young elf went out one day, a tavern for to ply
And the randy midget atop the bar he’s ogled her by and by
Ricki-doo-dun-day, doo-dun-day, ricki-dicki-doo-dun-day
Now where have you been all my live-long life, this midget he cried aloud
Well I’m from the woods, but I’ve got the goods, to make the little man stand proud
Ricki-doo-dun-day, etc.
He’s watched her go to a long table, to play at a game of chance
With any real luck, I’ll have a good ****, if I get into that elf-maid’s pants
Now come you here, you blithe young thing, and I’ll give a kiss to thee
Well perhaps you could with a ladder good of thirty steps and three
Well she’d made love for an emerald once, and had but the gem to show
Although she had sold her maidenhead cheap, she never had stooped this low
Now he’s led this elf on up the stairs, though late late was the hour
There never was a sight, by dim candlelight, of an elf in a midget’s bower
Now he’s stroked her up, he’s stroked her down, the nearer he did creep
He could tell at a glance, she was in a light trance, or else she was going to sleep
So he’s laid this elf upon her back, such sights he never did see
The midget’s confession, he’d never had a lesson in elven anatomy
Now she couldn’t quite get comfortable, though wide, wide was the bed
If with a midget you lay, you’ll go the whole way, staring at the top of his head
Now can’t you shift about, she said, for I weary of this view
Well then put your head where your feet were before and I’ll have another round with you.
Now here’s to the elf, the bonny bonny elf, and those words that she later said
If you ever have a midget, you never will ditch it, though you’re looking at his ass or his head